Even the DVD art is horrendous. Note the use of the word “classic” on the front cover. People use that word far too liberally if you ask me. Impulse (1974) stars William Shatner as Matt Stone: con man/gigolo/seducer of women and the owner of a truly alarming wardrobe. (I know this was the 70s, but that’s no excuse.)
But Matt has a problem that no one suspects. Due to an unfortunate incident in his childhood, told to us in a grainy black-and-white flashback, Matt is psychotic. You see, when he was a young boy, his mother invited a man home. Things got out of hand and, well, young Matt killed his mother’s houseguest with a samurai sword. Why a samurai sword? I don’t know. It was there. Why was it there? Ask the prop guy. Anyway, Matt’s mother thought this was abnormal behavior and put her young son in a mental institution, where he remained until an unspecified time. Why did they let him out? Who knows? This is just one of the many unanswered questions posed by this ghastly script.
Now an adult, Matt earns his “living” by seducing wealthy women and bilking them of their money. When things don’t go his way, he, well, he does bad things. We know the bad things are coming because Matt telegraphs them in a not-subtle way by giving us the Bad Thoughts gesture.
It carried over from his childhood.
His first victim is a woman called Helen (why are they all called Helen?) who catches him flirting with a belly dancer and gets angry. Then he gets angry and lunges at her.
They struggle, and she dies. (Victim’s POV). He is so appalled at what he’s done, he executes the Shatner Spin™.
It’s nice when you can follow an actor’s career and see the tried-and-true mannerisms he’s held onto over the years. (See Star Trek II - The Wrath of Khan for more information.) He then sinks her and her car in the lake.
Next up for the slaughter is Ann Moy and her daughter, Tina. Tina dresses like The Bad Seed and looks older with every shot she’s in. By the end of the movie, she looks old enough to go to graduate school. She also spends a lot of time talking to her dead father in the graveyard.
Enter Julia, the gratuitous Rich Friend and busybody. While having coffee with Ann in her very interesting living room, Julia invites Ann to a party she is having. She wants her to meet a new man , a “regular Burt Reynolds”, because she’s approaching “the big 40”, you know, and her options are running out. It turns out Burt Reynolds is unavailable, so The Shat shows up instead, ready to prowl in purple velvet.
They hit it off, and began meeting for secret trysts in local motels. Tina discovers this, and her expression says it all.
Mother and daughter have several badly-scripted and pointless arguments about this. In another totally unnecessary subplot, Matt double-crosses his partner at a car wash. Looks like life hasn’t be kind to Oddjob since James Bond took care of Goldfinger. You see, Matt is after Julia’s money, which he knows about from her ostentatious and tackily-decorated home, and he doesn’t want to share. Tina, who has been hiding in the back seat of Matt’s car, witnesses the murder and realizes her mom’s new man is up to no good and tries to tell her. In the manner of true 70s parents, Ann refuses to believe any of it. She stands by her man.
Meanwhile, Matt makes his move. He goes to visit Julia, trying to get her to “invest” in some stocks. She pulls a gun, and he kills her in the ensuing struggle. Tina, once again snooping where she is not supposed to be, witnesses this murder as well. She takes off running through the graveyard, which is apparently RIGHT OUTSIDE Julia’s house. Matt chases her while the music builds to a thrilling fever-pitch. The chase escalates to the heart-stopping conclusion, including a surprise twist that will leave you breathless with relief that the movie is finally over.
And it is over. You have survived. You’ll notice I did not give away all the plot details. This is so you can experience them for yourself. I will not spare you this, the most horrifying moment in the entire film, though. If I must suffer, so must you:
WTF? Beam me up, Scotty! NOW!
This movie sounds beyond horrible. It's like an environmental impact report should have been made. I may just have to see it some day.
ReplyDeleteJust found my way to your blog via Earin's. This made me laugh out loud. I love Shatner. At least he knows how to laugh at himself... because man, that final image is just WRONG. Tan lines. Tight red pants. Striped tank top. The mind goggles!
ReplyDeleteI think I might have to see this movie too, though. Just to laugh!