Here is my review of The Poseidon Adventure:1. Exactly what church does Gene Hackman belong to? At the New Year's Eve party, he is dancing with at least two women.
2. This applies to the disaster genre in general: if you are a) old, b) overweight, c) Jewish, d) bitchy; make sure you get paid up front; you will die before the movie is over.
3. If you are deaf, you will live, even Hollywood is not that cruel. Blind: first reel, tops.
4. Even NYC cops can be whipped.
5. Any movie with “and Leslie Nielsen as The Captain” in the credits is a winner.6. Mother was right, always wear clean underwear, you never know who might see it.
7. If Steve McQueen were in this movie, he would look good in whatever he was wearing. (He would not, however, be the best-dressed, it is not in his contract. He needs to switch agents.)
8. I love the red hot pants under Pamela Sue Martin’s dress. Did she know something the rest of them didn’t?
9. If Jackie Bissett were in this movie, she would serve no purpose whatsoever.
10. The SS Poseidon did not have any hubcaps.
11. I see now where Bruce Willis got his wardrobe for Die Hard. (Thank you, Ernest Borgnine.)12. One inch of steel is definitely better than two.
13. Screaming was a significant part of Carol Lynley’s audition. I’m sure of it.
14. Next time I book tickets on a cruise ship, I’m staying in the engine room.
15. Some people should never wear tank tops. (See #11 above.)
16. The very second you start talking about your little grandson, you’re dead.
17. Gene Hackman is the studliest priest I ever saw. I ask again, what the hell church does he belong to??
18. Those old Crazy Glue ads were clearly inspired by this movie.
19. Comfortable shoes are the words of the day.
20. If Leslie Nielsen says the ship is top-heavy, then, dammit, it is.
18. Those old Crazy Glue ads were clearly inspired by this movie.
19. Comfortable shoes are the words of the day.
20. If Leslie Nielsen says the ship is top-heavy, then, dammit, it is.
Ok, ENOUGH with the crappy seventies disaster movies. Do I need to see a photo of poor Shelley Winters all dead?
ReplyDeleteYou'll be happy to know that this is the last of the pre-written reviews that comes from the 70's. The rest come from the 50s and 60s.
ReplyDelete16 is so true. Anytime I see someone show a photo of a loved one I chant, "Dog Meat!!!" I've never been disappointed.
ReplyDeleteI love that movie. Best disaster movie EVER! The DVD I have of it has a special feature where you get a little map of the ship showing you who is still left. Priceless!
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