The United States of the Commonwealth of Great Britain?

In a previous blog entry, I mentioned that I am journeying back East to witness Barak Obama’s inauguration. I started thinking how political I have become in recent years. I didn’t used to care about politics. I was apathetic. I thought all politicians were scum and one was no better than any other. I’m not saying this still isn’t true. But I think we bear a certain amount of responsibility, as well. We elected these people. How can we expect high performance from our leaders if we maintain such low standards? We need to raise our expectations, raise the bar. Only then will we get the leaders we deserve.

It took the intervention of George W. Bush to make me see the error of my ways. I will not speak of that travesty of fate that put him in office in the first place; the beginning of the Dark Times. But when he was elected the second time, I began to seriously look into Canada’s immigration policies. No kidding, I was on the website the next day, wondering how I could pull it off. Then I realized that I had to stay and fight the fight. If all the intelligent people left, there would be no one to stand in the way of the Evil Ones threatening our nation. The democratic experiment would come to an end. This was their plan. They had to be stopped.

Then I thought, what if we went back to being a colony? Reverted to being part of the British Empire? Take all the decision-making power out of our hands, since we can’t seem to do it right. But there is no more Empire, so I guess we would technically be part of the Commonwealth, like Canada, Australia and South Africa. Who would be our ruler? Right now, it would be Queen Elizabeth, but she won’t live forever. Who then? Prince Charles?

Given that the next king of England is likely to be Prince William anyway, I think Charles would jump at the chance to rule our little outpost. Imagine all the things that would be different if we were part of the Commonwealth: organic farming would be mandatory, all that ugly modern architecture - gone! We'd all take up polo and fox hunting and learn to drink tea properly. Kilts would be the national garment. We'd have to learn the words to Rule Britannia, played on bagpipes, of course. Every word currently spelled (spelt) with an “o”, like “color” would now have a compulsory “ou” in it : “colour”. “Realized” would be spelt “realised”. All our food would be boiled into nonexistence. Scenes from “My Fair Lady” would be played out in schoolrooms across the country as we all struggle to master Received Pronunciation. We’d go metric.

If Obama doesn’t work out, perhaps this could be our back-up plan. There should always be a back-up plan. Maybe I’ll start working on a letter, just in case. Or even better, I wonder if he does email? It’s either that or I start learning “O, Canada” on my fiddle. Dear Prince Charles…

Just as long as he doesn't bring the damn Millennium Dome with him. An uglier eyesore I have never seen. It looks like a balding sea urchin on steroids.

I am so proud of myself. I didn’t mention Camilla once. Oops. Darn - almost made it.